SPITBULL

There was a time when children's shows were not ironic, post-modern or anything more than innocent fun, a time when Rainbow ruled the roost.

They appear to be mentally deranged, not physically ill. It's clearly something abnormal.

The sketch opens with Zippy peeling a banana...

Zippy: "One skin, two skin, three skin, four.... "
George: "Zippy, where is Bungle?"
Zippy: "I think Geoffrey is trying to get him up"

We see a view of the door and hear Bungle moaning from behind it.

Bungle: "Geoffrey, I can't get it in"
Geoffrey: "You managed it last night"
Bungle: "I know, let's try it round the other way around. Ooooooh, I've got it in"

Bungle and Geoffrey enter the studio with Bungle carrying a hammer and peg kit

Bungle: "Would you stick this on the shelf, George"
George: "I can't reach, you'll have to stick it up yourself,

Geoffrey (to camera) " Hello everyone, today we are talking about playing"

Bungle: "Playing with each other, Geoffrey?"
Geoffrey: "Yes Bungle, do you have a special friend that you like to play with?"
George: "Yesterday we played with our balls.

Are we going to play with our friend's balls today?"

Bungle: "Yes, and we can play with our twangers as well."
Geoffrey (to camera): Have you seen Bungles twanger?
Zippy: "Oh I have, I showed him how to pluck with it."
Bungle: "It's my plucking instrument."

Geoffrey asks the audience if they can pluck like Bungle

Zippy: "I can, I'm the best plucker here."
George: "And I'm good at banging. My peg's hard isn't it Zippy?"
Zippy: "Well of course it is, Your peg wouldn't go in if it was soft."
Geoffrey: "Let's get back to Bungle's twanger."
Bungle (excited): "Oooooh Geoffrey, we could all paint our twangers couldn't we?"

....

The caption on Feb. 14 for a picture by Reuters with the continuation of an article about the Iraqi elections misstated the reason Abdul Aziz al-Hakim, a Shiite cleric, was weeping. He was participating in a mourning ritual as part of Ashura, a holy Shiite festival - not reacting to results showing that his political alliance had won a slim majority of seats. A second caption for a Reuters photo misstated the reason a Shiite was shown flagellating himself in a Baghdad procession. He was taking part in the same mourning ritual, not celebrating the election outcome.

(Rove enters the Chamber of Destruction and greets his assembled operatives)

Rove: Gentlemen. Ladies. Mr. Gannon. Mr. Murdoch.

(Various responses: “Hiya!” “Howdy.” “G’day.")

Rove: People, you have done good work. You have tirelessly attempted to undermine John Kerry’s bid for the presidency. And yet the latest polling shows that Kerry may still win.

(Murmured complaints: “Dang!” “This is soooo not happening.” “Can’t compete with a Magic Hat.")

Rove: Silence! I cannot tell you how much this disappoints and angers me.

(An assistant appears at Rove’s side with a baseball bat. He is waved away)

Publish a photo of a person riding a bicycle without a helmet or walking on a railroad track (with or without a helmet) and you can be sure to receive splenetic missives sort of like this:

"How dare you!?!? Have you no decency!?!? By your reckless and insensitive actions, you are clearly sending the message that you condone riding bicycles without helmets and/or the squashing of innocent people by heavy locomotives.

"I hope you're happy that the blood of countless poor victims will stain your hands. I have taken out a subscription to your pathetic newspaper in order that I may cancel it. Yours, etc."

I'm sad to say that today Air America Radio sounds a lot like my e-mail spam folder. I've learned how I can: Regrow hair! Become a millionaire! Improve bedroom performance! Enjoy adventures in travel! Lose weight! Get out of debt! Find true love! One commercial even suggested I sign up for e-mail bulletins so I can get weather forecasts straight in my Inbox!

We don't like these guys either, and they're gonna be gone.

When it comes to potential advertisers ... I don't really like big corporations in general ... [for example] I wouldn't advocate Archer Daniels Midland.

• Bloggers/radio hosts of the Northern Alliance Radio Network will broadcast today from the White Bear Lake Super Store. (Highway 61, north of 694). 12-3pm CST. No doubt inspired/appalled by Pioneer Press' Mark Yost's on-air interview of the gang a few weeks ago, Doug of Bogus Gold will try doing a more in-depth of interview of one of the NARNians, King Banaian (possessor of the 789th most popular name of his decade and big cheese at alleged group blog SCSU Scholars), after the show.
• The Minnesota Organization of Blogs (MOB) has its first official spin-off: The M.A.W.B. Squad. It's a gal blog (glog?) for the overworked and underpaid XX solo-bloggers of the MOB. Cartoonist extraordinaire Chris Muir has kindly worked up a blogwarming gift:
  
  LearnedFoot of The Kool Aid Report also proffers a present. All this largesse worries us at Spitbull. Perhaps the M.A.W.B. Squadders should take care to avoid touching spindles on their eighteenth birthdays.
  
• No one ever gave MOB member Nihilist in Golf Pants a blogwarming gift or even a wooden nickel. Clearly miffed by all the blogpayola it doesn't (yet) have a piece of, the blog has helpfully posted a price list.
  
• Everyone--or at least everyone in the MSM--seems to think the Powerline guys have been showered with largesse for having such conservative views. They claim they're hardly better off than Nihilist in Golf Pants in this regard: "But we like funds, so if you're interested in funding us, let us know." They should rip off NIGP's price list idea. It would provide more fodder for another bloggish spin-off: N.A.A.P.A.L.M.

The overweight Summers is socially inept, with sloppy eating habits and poor grooming. Colleagues speculate Summers' lack of social skills might indicate he has the neurobiological disease Asperger's Syndrome.

[U.K.] Foreign Office Minister Bill Rammell has called for people to reject cocaine in the same way they snubbed South African wine during apartheid. Rammell ... is considering launching a government initiative along with groups such as Oxfam, aimed at exposing the horrors of the cocaine-fuelled conflict in Colombia.

I see your album is up against one by Al Franken, as well as another by Jon Stewart.

Forces to be reckoned with, yes? They sure took down the president. And Franken's liberal radio is really taking off. I own a conch shell with more listeners.
...

Some people say dogs are what Democrats profess to be, because they are so inclusive and welcoming of people regardless of social class. What do you think?

You're not going to get me, liberal media, but I do grasp the concept. Like a lot of Democrats, we dogs can remain loyal for reasons we can no longer understand.

Tiny creatures called dance flies don't have an ornate tail or much else to signal their sex appeal as, say, peacocks do. So the male shows off his fitness through his largess, bringing a female a big dead fly, for example, so that she can nibble on it while he mates with her. The hidden message: I am big and strong enough to schlep this carcass all over the meadow, and if you mate with me our kids will be big and strong, too.

...

Over the years, [the researchers] suspect, a few males decided to heck with lugging along a dead fly to their assignation, and instead bestowed just an insect fragment, wrapped in easily carried silk to make it look bigger. Getting good results, some males began skipping the snack and presenting just a worthless wisp of silk. That way, they got to invest less in sex (less foraging for a nuptial gift) and still reap all the rewards.

KRUGMAN: We all support the troops. But this is exploitation. And it's part of the basic lack of seriousness about a lot of what's going on in this country.

MATTHEWS: Could it be that Anheuser-Busch was rendering a public service by creating a stirring portrait of what might have happened?

KRUGMAN: Oh, come on.

MATTHEWS: Those were real soldiers, by the way.

KRUGMAN: Yes. Nonetheless, it's business. You don't spend money— if you really wanted to support the troops, you would just do it without making it clear that this was from a beer company.

"He said, 'Look, if you do something like this for the secretary general, he will never forget you,' " Mr. Ngwira [the whistle blower] said Mr. Hassan [the alleged embezzler] had told him. " 'People here get promoted not because of their work, but because they're nice to the powerful people here. This is an opportunity for you. If you don't take it, don't be surprised if you don't get promoted.' "

Students shared their iPods ("I was surprised at how many people grabbed their iPods" while getting their lifejackets, [University of St. Thomas student] Riordan said), played endless games of cards and talked.

Question of the day is: what is the burn rate of the insurgency? In other words, how much money do they go through a month, supporting fighters, building bombs, and so forth? How long can they keep this up?

• A rock star will open his set conspicuously sporting an inky forefinger.
  
• A fashion designer will send all the models out onto the runway clothed in tiny bits of fabric and purple-stained forefingers.
• A movie star will be photographed in $500 sunglasses and $2 finger ink.